Tension/waiting causes me searing abdominal pain.

Lots of changes to the Sarah Griffith Blog! We will have an official launch soon, but for now I could not wait to write about the searing abdominal pain!

This is probably shocking to you but I don’t deal with tension or waiting very well. I mean usually I am so even keeled and gentle. (Can I get an amen?!?!) In the last two weeks however we have been dealing with tension and waiting around here and it made me realize that walking in those two things is not good for my digestion. On the plus side I have not been able to eat a whole lot so it has really helped with my weight loss. This weekend at church Doug talked about how we have to learn to trust God. He told us God puts us in situations so that we get to learn to trust Him. I am really feeling that right now.

Unfortunately, I can’t give you the details because it’s not my story to tell. So I will talk in generalities. Not to be secretive but to allow God to work these things out without me putting it on blast to everyone. (Do the young people still say “on blast?” Did they ever say “on blast?” I’m saying “on blast” I don’t care) Anywho, the point is we as a family are immersed in waiting and tension around here and it is very hard to deal with. I asked myself this morning if I was allowing these circumstances to teach me to trust God or if I was handling them in my own understanding. The presence of searing abdominal pain is a sign that I might be relying on myself. Just a guess.

But this is where I find out who God really is. I get to see His character revealed and I get to line my character up to it. I realize how much I need to discipline myself to trust God and not try to solve my own problems with my own thinking. My dean in bible school use to say that you have to stop “chewing the dog bone.” Meaning I am prone to get a thought in my head and chew it and chew it and chew it until it is disgusting. But God, is waiting right there for me to turn the thoughts over to him. God is holding out his hand say, “I love you, you can trust me.” Instead of chewing I start saying to myself…..

Proverbs 3: 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;

Isaiah 41: 10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

And I start saying NO to myself when I want to call someone and complain about my circumstances. I want to call someone because It feels good to have someone commiserate with me. But all I am doing is chewing that bone and spreading my tension around to other people. I will confess that so many times in the last week I picked up my phone to call Kelly and say, “Oh my gosh you are not going to believe what is going on.” Or to call Ashley to say, “Can you believe how bad this is, can you believe we are having to deal with this?” And what was the result? More angry feelings, more fear, more chaos, more abdominal pain. And I drug Ashley and Kelly into that too. On the flip side of that when I take that to the Lord instead and say, “Lord I am not happy with the waiting and this tension and this gastric upset but I know you are still good, forgive me for not trusting you,” my peace is restored. I learn to say no to my flesh that wants to get all up in arms. And I stay right with God, because yes my friends, chewing the bone, calling other people to complain, all of that is proof of not trusting the Lord, also know as SIN!

The truth bubbles up to the surface. God is not doing this to annoy me or to give me more contemplative time in my bathroom. He is doing it to say, “Hey sister, you are not fully trusting me with this situation.” He wants me to learn about how much He loves me and how He is working these things out for my good. He wants me to trust that He loves Laycie and Kohen and desires to keep them safe more than I can ever comprehend. He wants me to know that HE IS GOD. Not me. He wants me to trust that when I am experiencing searing abdominal pain it is likely that I have forgotten who is actually God.

In closing, God is writing a very cool story here in our house. The middlemarch is glorious right now and full of miraculous things. I cannot wait for you to here the story someday from the young woman who is walking it out right now. I have tears in my eyes as I think about all the ways God has shown up to show her He is everything she will ever need. I love you Lord, thank you for letting me be a small part of this story.