Since this is how I have been celebrating the things that are going on in our life, this seems a fitting way to celebrate you and the fact that I am so thrilled you were born. Brock, there is absolutely no way to tell you how much I love you. The only litmus test you have is the fact that when I think you are going to get hurt I absolutely lose my mind and scream and yell at you to be careful. This is because the thought of not having you as part of my day makes me hurt in a way that I never actually want to know. The saving grace is that I know how much you love Jesus, and if you are not with me here on earth you will be with Jesus in heaven. This realization has allowed me to let you walk out the door and go to school, camps, and vacations. This realization has made it almost possible for me to watch you play lacrosse and not completely lose my mind, or murder any kids that push you on the field--almost.
The ache I feel as I watch you grow up and need me less and less, is in equal proportion to the joy I feel as I see you growing up into the coolest dude this world will ever know. I know you will look at that and say, "mom, that is not a proper algebraic equation," or some other form of nerd speak that I don't get. Buddy, there is nothing mathematic about how much I love you. It is fierce and wild and makes me do crazy things like grab you by the front of your shirt, lift you off the ground, and scream at you because you almost ran out in front of a car. It is also tender like the moments we sit on the couch and read together under a comfy quilt, silent and close. You are not getting a perfect mama with me buddy, but you are getting a mama that loves you so much it hurts.
Little dude, God made you to love to be respected. More than loved you want to be respected. It's just part of what makes guys, guys. Buddy, one of the things I am learning as you grow up is how to not just love you like a mom loves her son, but to also respect you as the man you are growing up to be. I want you to get use to hearing a woman respect you so that when a woman doesn't respect you it seems odd to you. (And God help that women if I am around because I have not been saved that long and I would not test the Jesus in me, if I were you girlfriend.) So here is a list for you of all the things I respect about you buddy.
I respect the fact that you are not a follower of things just to impress people. You know what you like, and you just do your thing.
I respect the fact that you are so brilliant but you are not a jerk about it to people who don't think on the same plane as you--mainly me.
I respect that fact that you are always ready to learn something new.
I respect the fact that you are kind. You are not just nice to people you are KIND. You display LOVING-KINDNESS, not just tolerance.
I respect the fact that you are the one who started the family bible study in our house. You are the one that came home from GRAPPLE and said, "We need to read two Proverbs everyday." And you harassed us enough that it has now become a family bible study every morning. Your passion for God's Word did that, buddy. You changed our family dynamic.
I respect the fact that you are an early riser. Now this might be one that people call into question because I am also an early riser and I value rising early and think it is the best way to ward off laziness. But none the less, I respect you for it.
I respect the fact that you are the most contented person I know. I respect this because I happen to carry around a lot of disconnectedness. So to see someone get up everyday and go with the flow, and be happy no matter what is something that makes me have respect for you.
I respect that fact that you do what Daddy and I ask you to do without any kind of flack. You are such an obedient little dude and I respect that fact that you can humble yourself and do what we ask you to do.
I respect how you love technology. I respect that you just know how to do things on the computer. I love how you know that you can make technology in this world better. I love how you come up with inventions that I know will change the world one day.
I respect how you have allowed Daddy and I to guide you through how to use technology in a safe way. I respect that you have heeded our warnings about pornography and predators, but you are not afraid, you are just prepared and vigilant. Your future wife will love you for that.
I respect that you are growing into a man right before my eyes but sometimes you still need your mama to love on you.
I respect the fact that you don't want me cheering louder than anyone else at Lacrosse but that you still look over to be sure I am there.
Dude, there is just so much about you that is amazing. I love you so much, you are my favorite 11-year-old in the whole wide world. And if I could give you a "pinch to grow and inch," my pinch would be: Continue to pursue the Lord, Brock. Life often times will make no sense without Jesus. He is always with you and will guide you. I have tried to make a special deal with Him to save you from all the pain in this world, but no luck buddy. He will use pain to teach you about who He is and who you are. As you pursue Him buddy, you will find a love even more fierce, wild, tender and strong than mine. His love can sustain you for your entire life time, and then eternity. Happy 11 th Birthday little dude, you are the coolest kid I know.
Love you always,